Recovering from substance abuse is a tall order. It demands determination, motivation, and the want to change. It is crucial to seek and attain qualified professional help and ongoing support. Couple this with the challenge of being a parent in recovery, and you might be wondering how to recover without further harming your parent-child relationship.
Substance abuse affects your child on numerous levels. If they live with you, they are exposed to the visible and invisible aftermath of your substance addition and subsequent abuse. They see and they feel your struggle. They weather your ups and downs, no matter how well you think you hide them.
The good news is that they also see your willingness to change. They see your fight to recover, and they can be a huge motivation to keep fighting. However, some issues specific to parenting will arise during and after recovery. You need to be prepared to handle these.
#1: Trying Too Hard to Make Up
It’s normal to feel guilty for the impact your substance abuse has had on your child. It’s also normal to overcompensate by trying too hard to make up. No matter the residual effects of your previous lifestyle, it is important to set limits. Supervise your child’s activities and associates. During and after recovery, it is essential to provide a structured environment that encourages responsible and accountable behavior.
#2: Struggling with Discipline
Every parent struggles to balance warm, supportive parenting with the need for holding a child responsible for their actions. As a parent in recovery, the act of disciplining your child—especially if their actions involve alcohol or drugs—can become an even harder struggle. Feeling ill equipped is normal. As you transition from old to new habits, both you and your child will need time to adjust and cope. Positive discipline, even when it may seem hypocritical, is necessary and will encourage a better long-term outcome for your child.
#3: Coping with Absence
Maybe you were absent during various stages of your addiction. It is not uncommon for a child to harbor resentment. While there is no perfect strategy for confronting this sensitive topic, open, honest, and ongoing discussions can help. Patience will be key, and you will need to remain sensitive to the manner in which your child chooses to cope. Recognize and acknowledge their feelings. As they grow older, their ability to process what has happened and discuss it will likely improve.
#4: Rebuilding Trust
Your substance abuse has most likely decreased trust. Rebuilding it will take time. Although you may be eager to make a fresh start, take your child’s needs into consideration. Do they need space? Do they need time? Do they need specific demonstrations of your commitment to change? Even a small change, like always picking them up from school, being on time, or keeping promises can make a huge impact.
You will need encouragement and support. Talk to your family and your close friends. Discuss your concerns and the challenges you are facing with your treatment provider. You can be a successful parent during and beyond recovery, and you can help your child avoid substance abuse!